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NOBODY ASKED ME, BUT ...
By Joe Brancatelli
May 9, 2012 -- Nobody asked me, but ...

Westin may have a good idea with these 260-square-foot rentals, which seem like a cross between a meeting room and office space. But what's with calling it Project Hive? What are we, worker bees?

And listen to this jive from Westin's Brian Povinelli: "More than 70 percent of business travelers told us that an environment that better supports their work objectives would significantly improve their experience." Why are hotel executives always shocked--shocked!--to learn that business travelers do business in hotels? Don't they know anything at all about us worker bees?

Nobody asked me, but ...

Want to see Einstein's Theory of Idiotic Airlines--you know, insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results--at work? Check this page of mergers and acquisitions unironically posted by the idiotically named Airlines For America lobbying group.

How's that "US Airways is merging with American Airlines" meme working out for the stenographers in the mainstream media that couldn't see the smoke being blown up their collective butt? What is it, three weeks since we've heard a peep--or anything like an actual offer--from US Airways?

Nobody asked me, but ...

The Russian-made SuperJet 100 that disappeared without a trace in Indonesia this week reminds me of the classic episode of The Twilight Zone. It's a retelling of the Flying Dutchman myth, except this time its a Boeing 707 headed to New York in 1961 that somehow ends up in prehistoric times and then in 1939.

We can only hope the new Russian jet is lost in time because, honestly, the other option just isn't as good for the 50 souls on board. Maybe it'll reappear over 1939 Jakarta. We can only hope ... May 10 update: Sadly, the plane was found crashed into the side of a mountain. There do not seem to be survivors.

Nobody asked me, but ...

It's that time of year again: The Queen attended the State Opening of Parliament in London yesterday and C-SPAN archived the video of the BBC coverage. I just love our visits with the Sword of State, the Cap of Maintenance, Black Rod and, of course, the Cheese Grater of Cheshire. Okay, I made that last one up ...

The Imperial State Crown, the Cap of Maintenance and Sword of State actually travel in their own carriage as they make their way from Buckingham Palace to Westminster Palace. The Queen trails behind in her own carriage. It's sort of like coach for monarchs. Her upgrade to Cap of Maintenance Class didn't clear.

Nobody asked me, but ...

This can't be good: The Internet Crime Complaint Center, which is tied to the FBI, says that malware buried in hotel Internet systems can do bad things to our laptops and other mobile devices. You might want to read and heed.

My BlackBerry doesn't have 4G and where I've been this month doesn't even have 3G. So how come I got a text message from my mobile provider telling me my monthly allotment of high-speed data has been used up and now I'll be throttled back? What are they going to slow me down to, landlines?

Nobody asked me, but ...

It's hard to be a fan of the Transportation Security Administration, but even it doesn't deserve the execrable TSANewsBlog.com. It's full of whines, distortions and cheap shots from a woman who used to hang on street corners and harangue people with "free advice" and a bunch of other bizarros. It's all the creation of Chris Elliott, the travel writer, not the comedian. If it were founded by Chris Elliott, the comedian, at least I would have understood the joke.

I think I understand how we got a double agent to be the guy to wear that new and improved underwear bomb. The actual bad guys just aren't that familiar with underwear. Most of them go commando under their thawbs, dishdashas and other robes.

Nobody asked me, but ...

The Los Angeles Times has a terrific piece on how American Airlines is trying to weasel out of its AAirPasses because buyers have chosen to use them--frequently. It's the airline mindset caught out rather starkly.

Speaking of airline mentality, how 'bout the creeps at Spirit Airlines adding a $100 charge for some carry-on bags? Don't worry about it. It may be the strategic mistake that finally convinces Spirit's sucker-born-every-minute customers that, maybe, they simply are not getting a good deal from that sick bag of an airline.

Nobody asked me, but ...

Here's some good news: CNN is now streaming live on the Internet. Just surf here. Too bad it's after they actually stopped broadcasting news. I have very limited interest in 12 hours of Anderson Cooper and 12 hours of Piers Morgan a day.

I have to end the column now. It's my turn to try to form a government in Greece. I'll be going by my Greek name, Brancapopolous, and fully intend to go commando under my fustanella.

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ABOUT JOE BRANCATELLI Joe Brancatelli is a publication consultant, which means that he helps media companies start, fix and reposition newspapers, magazines and Web sites. He's also the former executive editor of Frequent Flyer and has been a consultant to or columnist for more business-travel and leisure-travel publishing operations than he can remember. He started his career as a business journalist and created JoeSentMe in the dark days after 9/11 while he was stranded in a hotel room in San Francisco. He lives on the Hudson River in the tourist town of Cold Spring.

THE FINE PRINT All of the opinions and material in this column are the sole property and responsibility of Joe Brancatelli. This material may not be reproduced in any form without his express written permission.

This column is Copyright 2012 by Joe Brancatelli. JoeSentMe.com is Copyright 2012 by Joe Brancatelli. All rights reserved.